once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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