Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
