Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
