Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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