What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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