I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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