just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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