Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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