Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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