Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
People in love make me want to vomit
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
