I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
