Already got asked if we're dating
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
