i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
