I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Oh god it's open bar.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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