can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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