Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
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