He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
