You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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