I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
