i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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