And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
