Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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