So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
