When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
