help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
