You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
