i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
