her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
