Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Randomize
