If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
