Will you blow on my dice?
Sponge bath it is.
he was CRYING into my vagina
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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