We named our party play list daddy issues
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
