one might say we're banned from that church
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
