OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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