I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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