I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
