I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
