I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
