In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
