I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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