I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Randomize
