I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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