My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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