yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
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Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
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only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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