wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
