Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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