the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
