Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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