Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
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He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
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You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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