I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.