Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
I used to kick so much ass
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?