You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize