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I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
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