Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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