He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
