I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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