So drunk its hurt
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
