I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
